Binary Reality
Love, perhaps, is the coldest force in the universe. It is cruel, unforgiving, and relentless in its primitive desire for the perfect mate. This is just one of many hard truths I am confronted with everyday. However, it is not something I believe in: I want so desperatley to be proved wrong about it, and for the world to be different. But in this world, love is just another cold hearted, opportunistic face of existence.
Science is largely to blame. By listening to the sterilised preachings of science, all colour is drained from the universe. Where once we could be the beloved creations of some benign deity; we become instead the improbable consequence of sheer chance. Science crunches numbers and faces facts, presenting us with the theories of evolution. According to this theory, life is basically a fluke - our existence is built on trial and error and survival of the fittest. Modern humanity is simply the latest link in the chain - and much of our emotion comes from our more primitive forebears. Chemical mixings and biological techniques which helped the survival of one generation are handed down to the next. Everything comes down to our evolutionary tree - including love. Science would try to deny us our very souls, and rather declare sentience as the result of electro-chemical activity. Every day, life seems to become more and more objectified. It is an ever-growing formula, with fewer and fewer variables becoming unknown.
I consider myself a scientist. I feel strongly on the values of logic, the good of the scientific community. I am excitied by technology and scientific advancement. But at the same time, I am terrified by the threat of going too far. There are mysteries that are not supposed to be solved, answers which aren't supposed to be find. And yet, the world keeps turning, and every day new solutions are presented to the world. Life, the universe, and everything is gradually developing an answer.
Faced with this binary reality, love too becomes numbers. It can be rationalised and explained. Romance, marriage, emotional yearnings; all boils down to a primitive yet curiously evolved need to breed. Love is the most powerful emotion we posess. It guides us, controls us and drives us every day. It is the most beautiful experience of humanity. Can it too be drained of colour? Can it be defined purely in terms of chemical equations and evolutionary history?
Perhaps. Love is a cold and opportunistic emotion. As I watch, hear and experience love of all kinds all around me, I see its equations becoming unravelled. It often seems that love only holds when it is beneficial. Love lasts only until something better comes along, or until its need passes. Love furthers the development of the species: selecting mates according to how compatible or how fertile they appear. It clings on tightly, at least until a better opportunity presents itself. Why do some people love forever, eternally clinging on even though there is no hope? Why do some people love with all their heart, but then change their heart, and love someone else? Why does the pain last for days for some, and for months for others? Because love chooses the best option - even though it may not be a welcome option, or an easily attainable one. Love does not fear that it may be unrequited: it merely drives onward to a match which it believes to be good enough. And then, in a heartbeat, a new opporunity arises, and the heart drives on in a new direction - careless of the damage left in its wake.
I don't want to believe this. I fight it every day. I hate the binary reality which is laid in front of me. I believe in magic. That unknowable, magical spark of creation; that golden touch which seperates life from non-life - and indeed that magic which distinguishes humanity. I believe in romance, in the entwining of souls, the dance of destiny and the miracle of true love. I believe in forever, and I believe in my heart.
I need to believe in the magic. For without it, what am I? I need to believe that I am part of something greater. That I contribute something rare and precious to the world, something which can't be measured. I need to believe that life is for something. I need a greater good, I need a mystery, and I need a purpose. Love gives me all of these things. Hopefully, a binary reality is still quite some time away - or else I am nothing.