Finding Peace
Or, The First
To prose then. Perhaps to prose I
can trust, at a time when verse eludes me like a reflection on
a river.....
Sitting on this hill, I am caught up with this idea of scale. I feel
immensely small, and utterly alone. For now, this is OK. The horizon goes on further than my eyes can see - and I can see a long way. Much
further than my legs can travel, further even than my mind can think.
And this distance represents only a small part of the world. Even the
world is a nothingth of a nothing of the universe.
On the other hand, I can almost believe that I am the only person left.
Across that great eternity I can see very few signs of life. I feel
huge, and powerful. The whole world is right there in front of me. I
can see it all - no-one can take that away, and no-one can hide it from
me, or blind me to it.
Trapped somewhere between this immense smallness and majestic bignessis me, sitting on a semi-dead tree, feeling altogether rather chilly.
And somehow, here, I think I have found a sort of peace. The despair
which has been eating at me these past weeks has gone. Lianne may
arrive here to talk to me, she may not. I think I am happier if she
doesn't. To be able to think this now is a precious moment.
The world is so full of utter nonsense, but this spot - this view -
seems to be immune from all the madness that is humanity. Perhaps this
is why I find peace here.